- Hi ShawnaIm Jasmine. Im new to your blog, I found it I think through Bit of Whimsy Dolls aullacty. I just read your blog and wanted to reach out and let you know my heart aches for you because Ive been there too. I dont wont to bore you with the details but I had my first miscarriage back in 07. I was devastated. My husband and I werent planning on having a baby as we had just gotten married and bought a house 6 months prior. It took us by surprise the pregnancy and I am ashamed to say at first we didnt react with the proper enthusiasm. Still that passed quickly and we got excited and then I started to bleed. In my heart I knew this wasnt my fault, that I couldnt have done anything to prevent or cause this but I just felt like it was punishment for not wanting the baby from the start. My heartbroke as Im sure yours did too. I never knew I could love something that I never touched, never saw, never even knew of its exsistance until it was gone. I cried, I was numb, I didnt want to get out of bed. My husband was at a loss, he didnt know what to do, the loss simply didnt effect him the same way as me. In the end he got me a puppy. We named her Ellie. She became my little baby. She made me get out of bed to take care of her, to play with her, to love her. She gave me back a piece of my own heart I thought Id never recover. I still have her today, and love her every second I see her for the immeasurable gift she gave me. In June 2010 I gave birth to my first child, a son, we named Drake. From the moment that little blob popped up on screen i feared the worst. It didnt help that for the first 13 weeks I bleed on and off, dark red angry blood. I went back to the Dr repeatedly. No one knew why I was bleeding but every time we looked their was that tiny little blob. Every time the monitor would flick on I dreaded what I might or might not see. My mind flew back to 07 again and I knew my heart wouldnt break again. At 13 weeks the blood magically stopped again with no rhyme or reason. On June 4 Drake made his big entrance in the world at 4:19 in the morning. I want to let you know you can do it. Your body will find a way. Your heart will heal. You will have that little bundle in your arms even if we dont know when. After my own loss I felt so alone. None of my friends were even married let alone thimking of kids yet. My mother and I dont have a close relationship to talk about this kind of stuff and I have no siblings. My husband tried his best but he just couldnt understand. I promised myself that if i ever met someone else going through this, if any of my friends sadly had the misfortune of going through this, whatever I wouldnt hesitate to tell them that they aren't alone, it isn't their fault, it will and can happen for them too. I hope that you know that already but if not Im telling you its true. If you ever want to talk please dont hesitate to email me. All my best[]